When faced with the inevitable, don’t leave things too long!
EDITOR’S NOTE: In 2013 retired nurse and midwife Mary Buie approached The Expositor with a mission. She had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and was wondering whether this newspaper would be interested in following her journey as she battled the disease. It was with some trepidation that this paper agreed as the eventual outcome was far from certain to be positive. What followed was an engaging series that leavened a very serious health issue with Ms. Buie’s irrepressible personality. Ms. Buie recently informed The Expositor that she would once again be facing down cancer. The Expositor continues the series ‘Following Hope’s Path’ to relay the ongoing story of her journey.
by Michael Erskine and Mary Buie
KAGAWONG—Mary Buie looks out the sliding porch windows from her daybed in Kagawong at the birds fluttering around the feeders and the occasional deer that wanders by. As she enters the final stages of the breast cancer battle she has continued to win despite overwhelming odds, the nurse in her knows the inevitable can only now be staved off. But stave she does and with her characteristic zest.
This despite the recent passing of her beloved husband John whom she had anticipated leaving behind when she herself passed.
In fact, among the things Ms. Buie was arranging plans for was the care for her husband John, who was living in Manitoulin Lodge, a Gore Bay long-term care residence. “I will go before he does and it will be difficult for him,” she had said when this article was first in production. But the Lord works in mysterious ways, and prior to this article’s completion, her beloved husband John passed.
“It was sudden and a big shock, but John’s time had come,” she said. “He did not suffer and had lived 86 good years. It would have been tough for him to go after me, so God’s timing was okay, tough as death always is.”
Her husband had come to visit her from the Lodge just before he passed, so they had a chance to spend a few moments together, although both believed Ms. Buie would be the one blazing the path to paradise.
“We had a wonderful ceremony of life to remember the loving caring happy man that he was and all is well,” Ms. Buie assures her readers.
“I am stable!” she announces. “Doing well, I am always awake at night—early morning, I do my best thinking then!”
Still, the days are challenging. Ms. Buie is now “totally dependent on others, living at the end of an oxygen line, but stable and enjoying family and friends,” she said. “I have all the equipment I need to be extremely comfortable. I reign in the day in my day bed surrounded by flowers and cards and love and care and happiness.”
“Close to hand is the commode walker, wheelchair and everything I need,” she confirms.
Those who follow this column would be forgiven for thinking that everything is always sunshine and blue skies in Ms. Buie’s world. But in the closing weeks of last month, her world was at a low ebb and she admitted having doubts about continuing treatment. “I had not counted on not being able to breath,” she admitted. “I can’t seem to catch my breath, and this is no way to live.” She said that she would consider whether to continue on with the treatment regimen that would provide short respite from death.
She was beginning to think that there may be worse things in life than dying.
In the end, her indomitable spirit shone through, and she reconnected after finishing up a five session set of palliative care radiation, “to help bones and my right lung where most of my cancer is.”
“I have a picc line in for home IV therapy and blood transfusion chemotherapy, etc.,” she said, “and I have various medical
people in to help, so I am busy with them and visits and messaging and emailing.”
Ever one for looking on the bright side, Ms. Buie said she is pleased to see the backside of chemotherapy. “I can taste again!” she announced, explaining that the loss of taste was one of the hardest side effects of chemotherapy. “I do love food,” she laughs.
“Brother Mike and Susie are here long-term looking after me and daughter Jenn is here now, so I am having a really good family visit,” she said. “I am doing the paperwork for MAID (medical assistance in dying) in case I get too bad to survive well. I am prepared, for I know not exactly how long I will live.”
Ms. Buie advises those who find themselves in her position to not fall victim to denial and procrastination. There are things that need to be looked after, she noted, and it is easier on those left behind if the bulk of that planning is dealt with beforehand.
“I am working on my funeral and celebration of life plans and having fun!” she quipped. “I am going to read with the grandkids and record audio books for them. I so want to share my good story to encourage others to get themselves organized if they need to. Don’t leave it too long!”
Ms. Buie was gifted with a spirit name a little while back. Ehnaadmajickdweh kwe, Helping Heart Woman, and it is difficult to conceive of a more appropriate appellation.
Among the planning she is undertaking between sessions with the occupational therapist who comes to help her deal with the physical challenges of being largely bedridden these days, is setting up plans for her celebration of life.
Songs have been chosen, including ‘The Lord is My Shepherd,’ a song sung at her wedding to John, ‘All Things Bright and Beautiful’ and ‘On Eagle’s Wings.’ “I love spiritual church hymns,” she said.
Ms. Buie said she plans for the celebration to take place at the M’Chigeeng Complex, due in large part to her long connection to that community. “M’Chigeeng are my family,” she said. ‘I have spent very special time with them.” A banner with 78 hearts will feature in the celebration, “because of my spirit name,” and hearts helping hearts.
Ms. Buie is very proud to have been gifted with a ribbon skirt two years ago, coloured in red-pink and blues. “I am just over the moon,” she said. “So grateful and humbled.”
“I want bright clothes, song and happiness,” said Ms. Buie. She plans to have the Burns Wharf Players sing some Gilbert and Sullivan songs, and lively SOCA songs inspired by Trinidad, with Jane Best’s choir.
As for advice for others, Ms. Buie suggests consulting financial experts and to organize your end-of-life care while you are able to make your wishes known. “Don’t leave it too long,” she said. “Get it started early. Even if you don’t think you will need it soon, having the wheels in place takes a lot of pressure off of the people around you who will be dealing with enough when the eventuality comes to pass.”
In the meantime, Ms. Buie wishes to assure everyone that she is still “at ‘em” even if the “up and” part is not as swift and sure these days.
“My health is stable at present, so we have all been enjoying wonderful family time,” she said. “God is good.”
